I liked how you mentioned the sweet meriting taste without telling the readers what it is that tastes so good. It grabs the readers' attention, making them wonder what the sweet thing is. I also like the sentence with pros and cons. however I think some correctinis can be made in your conclusion. The first sentence could be written as "Although we know that chocolate can be bad for your health because of the high amount of calories and sugar, it is also beneficial to your health because of the many antioxidants and it makes people happy. " in my opinion, the 'however' is unnecessary since you wrote "although" in the beginning of the sentence. Other from then slight changes that can be made I really liked your speech.
You have a really descriptive and alluring introduction, which works since you are talking about chocolate. You may need to work on your paragraph conclusions, and making them transition from each one smoothly (paragraph 4). Otherwise, I have nothing I dislike about it. Your whole speech is very informative and detailed. The last quote I saw in the cooking room XD it works well to wrap it all up.
The introduction was really interesting, the phrase uesd for the description of the taste was beautiful. However, i had no idea that was talking about chocolate. Since this was a expository speech, the pros and cons were showed clearly. In my opinion, if you want make the aduience think that chocolate is good, then put the disadvantages before the advantages. The whole speech was well structured. I like it. (However, i still don't like chocolate) :)
I liked how you mentioned the sweet meriting taste without telling the readers what it is that tastes so good. It grabs the readers' attention, making them wonder what the sweet thing is. I also like the sentence with pros and cons. however I think some correctinis can be made in your conclusion. The first sentence could be written as "Although we know that chocolate can be bad for your health because of the high amount of calories and sugar, it is also beneficial to your health because of the many antioxidants and it makes people happy. " in my opinion, the 'however' is unnecessary since you wrote "although" in the beginning of the sentence.
ReplyDeleteOther from then slight changes that can be made I really liked your speech.
You have a really descriptive and alluring introduction, which works since you are talking about chocolate. You may need to work on your paragraph conclusions, and making them transition from each one smoothly (paragraph 4). Otherwise, I have nothing I dislike about it. Your whole speech is very informative and detailed. The last quote I saw in the cooking room XD it works well to wrap it all up.
ReplyDeleteThe introduction was really interesting, the phrase uesd for the description of the taste was beautiful. However, i had no idea that was talking about chocolate. Since this was a expository speech, the pros and cons were showed clearly. In my opinion, if you want make the aduience think that chocolate is good, then put the disadvantages before the advantages. The whole speech was well structured. I like it. (However, i still don't like chocolate) :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for all the comments! i'll work with your opinions and fix it up and post a new revised version! Thanks again!
ReplyDelete