During
the development of the society, violence appeared in our world at any time,
anywhere. Some argue that prohibited and forbidden violence
for any purposes. However, others disagree,
claiming that violence is necessary to this world that humans are living in
today. There are various factors that account for the
sharp contrast between the two views. Therefore, this issue should be viewed and
analyzed in multiple perspectives.
It is unquestionable
that discipline supports this modern society, without which, one cannot live in
this peaceful world. However, where does discipline come
from? In my opinion, violence played a major role of discipline. Discipline is not possible to present without the support of violence.
In addition, people argue that violence only can harm others in a negative
way. My question is did they ever think in a positively, such as use violence
to protect others from unfair issues? For example, the French revolution, the lower
class rebelled because of all the unsatisfactory problems caused by the
monarchs. Last but not least, violence is necessary for a country to survive on
this planet. Military, one of the most significant departments of a government,
without it, the country will never be secured for the citizens. Malcolm X
states that “sometimes you have to pick
the gun up to put the Gun down.” In my opinion, an effective way to
stop violence is to use violence.
On the
other hand, there were many negative results caused by abuse violence in the
past centuries. First standpoint to mention is that overly abusing violence can
cause significant physical damage on the person. Statistics showed that one in
every forty people is in a relationship with any kind of violence. What is even
worrisome is the fact that assaulting someone physically could also lead to a
consequence of mentally harmed, women in particular. Facts proved that one in
every four women in America
In view of
both justifications, it is fair to say that violence can ruin one’s physical
ability, mental ability, or even their lives. Nevertheless, our community
cannot be established without violence. From my perspective, control the amount
of violence has used can brought positive changes. In contrast, overly abusing
violence would only lead to tragedy.
Your vocabulary is pretty high level, but still in the margarine that a grade 10 student can understand, which is good. On the other hand, your grammar still needs some work, but I can still understand what you are trying to say by working with the big, complicated words you seem to use a lot in your style of writing.
ReplyDeleteDon't you think you are a bit of a hypocrite? "An effective way to stop violence is to use violence." This is exactly what the never ending cycle of violence is. A person hurts someone, they retaliate with the same violence, someone eventually ends up killed, then another person kills the first for revenge, and another comes for revenge, and so forth. Hatred does not just disappear, and if you use violence it will only add fuel to the flames.
The statistic that one in every four women in America commit suicide due to domestic violence is really shocking, but is that really true? I find it a bit hard to believe that 25% of the women population of America die from suicide. I'm just wondering if you read it wrong, and it was actually one in four women are involved in some sort of domestic violence.
Also, you may want to check the sentence "government demonstrated violence in a various way such as heavy taxes". Forcing taxes isn't really violence.
I see great improvement in your style of writing, specifically the flow of your words. I liked the introduction the most, it revealed some information about what your were talking about, just enough to make me interested.
ReplyDeleteHowever, some of the vocabulary or phrases you choose to use are a little awkward . For example, when you wrote,"First standpoint to mention is that overly abusing ..." it seemed a little weird. Maybe next time you could just use "First of all,..." Other than that, there are also some little grammar mistakes here and there. Overall, this essay is filled with lots of great ideas and examples. Keep it up!!